to turn a page to a new chapter
so in recent news everyone is now set on there way to solving there problems and dr star can rest peacefully. well not until i solve my own shit first. its a never ending battle between my strong headed side and the side that really does in factgive a shit way too much. i am strong-i am the one everyone looks up to as such.But at times whih is like every couple of months or so i begin to crack and change my thoughts about my self and really break myself down--and when i dont have the consolation prize of niceness and friendship/love and appreciation i fall from grace and run the water works.why? havent got a clue its like a river that must take its course no matter how strong the dam may be. i hate feeling weak its not appetising-do me a fave im like not even alive right now so dont mind my gramatical errors if u find them cuz i cant honestly care less how i spell.i do find it normal that this occurs-i am human and believe it or not i do have feelings even if i dont show then even to myself. how long can u hide before u find urself? i havent wrote my book in awhile and i feel as if i have let myself down -yes writters block sucks but i mean thats not even an excuse now-i just have no motivation due to the lack of appreciation from teh one almighty sourse that i need it from at this point. i hate when the people i want to help me dont even recognize their position in my life and i also give up on them. i cannot and will not have people in my life that cannot find themselves and want to drag the world down with them at all costs. i dont suck like they do i will not succumb to their stupidity adn i pride my self with teh fct that i am highly intelligent and have the air of sophistication that i want to have. who gives a shit how much money you have- i feel money does not buy love nor sophistication-its you mind your well being that is what bys it --it is how you in fact carry ur self in thefriggnin world. if u carry ur self like ur crap then thats what u are--if u carry urself like a million buck then thats what u will be shown as. its not smugness-its self pride and love of ones self. i have been told that maybe i do that too much but in fact i find that i dont do that enough. i have been blessed to have found people of diverse backgrounds of work that have in fact shown me how to be as a person. ur only a star when u make ur self to be one. and i will be that star...........i will not sit back and take the backseat in my own life. why ask for water when u can have wine? why be someone else when u have to be you and can because who the hell else can u be?
i am feed up with lies liars and the rest getting their way due to the fact that the lie made their life. i will not lie i will not change i am...ME... and like i have said befoe i dont find the friggin need to lie about anything. i love to tell people my thoughts and stories lie free i am npot scared to tell someone off or tell that exact evidence of something. also the fact being that these liars are never caught by anyone and i really dont understand why? i see the lie i know the truth even if they havent spoke the words of it. but others will sit back and accept bs. not i my friends not i. i severely feel as if i do not belong with in this grouping of mere mortals whop beleive they will live for ever with the gods. they should take acceptance of the graves they are digging for themselves --but actually again all others should take the acceptance as well. but it will never be................
heres to the new chapter.....i must finally continue.........hope i have enough ink.
posted by PlatinumStar @ 4/29/2006 12:30:00 PM
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